Now Introducing… My Pointless (and Weird) Valentine’s Awards

February folks. The second month of the year. The time of year when mammals predict the weather… When Catholics fast… When someone wins the Super Bowl… And when we send crafted hearts of various sizes proclaiming our love to each other.

And that’s the big ones—the big holidays. There’s plenty of other celebrations that fill out the shortest month of the year. Sure we know about Groundhog Day, Lent, Valentine’s Day, and the Super Bowl…

What about National Carrot Cake Day? Opera Day? No One Eats Alone Day? White Shirt Day?

Come on. You’ve had to have heard of White Shirt Day? The day commemorating the resolution of a notable auto workers strike in 1937? No?

Yeah me either. That one’s a weird one. In fact… There’s more weird holidays in Febrero—way cooler than February—than I expected. You know what that means? Time for another installment of my pointless—and weird—awards.

Most Likely To Mimic Punxsutawney Phil…

• Jaren Jackson Jr.

Can you imagine what it must’ve been like for that first groundhog? To go from a normal, run-of-the-mill groundhog… To one with such vast levels of meteorologic clairvoyance? It must’ve been an ordeal for the little guy.

And to be honest I get it. That much power? All I would want to do is take a swing at predicting season’s length too.

Groundhog? PunxsutawneyPhil—that’s it’s real name—has more in common with a unicorn if you ask me.

Which brings us to our first award. The Grizzlies player with the spatial acumen and awareness to give Phil a run for his money… Is Memphis’ own unicorn Jaren Jackson Jr. and it’s not even close.

The biggest difference? While the groundhog uses his extrasensory perception to forecast the weather… The hooper uses his to block opponent’s shots in tandem with helping anchor the defense. Which somehow remains a top-10 unit.

Plus if it was the other way around… And groundhogs were the dominant species on the planet… I’d bet they’d pick Jaren to eyeball his shadow on Feb. 2nd on account of the height right? So there. Who’s down to call him “Punxsutawney Trip” for the rest of the month?

Most Likely To Be Born During A Leap Year…

• Derrick Rose

Ah the leap year. An arbritary term given to the day added every fourth calendar year. You know? So that our calendar year lines up with the astronomical year? Oh you don’t?

Guess what? Not effecting your day to day all too much as it turns out.

That doesn’t stop it’s 25.0% occurrence rate from getting annoying. Quite the contrary. It’s almost more annoying I’ve got an extra day to remember every fourth year. Couldn’t we get it every other year?

As is, it’s hard to rely and remember something when it only enters your frame of reference a quarter of the time. Showing up right in time for me to forget about you again… Well that is an exercise in mental gymnastics.

And that brings me to my feelings on Derrick Rose at this current time. Comparable to annoying mental gymnastics.

Annoying because of his availability—or lack thereof. And mental gymnastics to reckon with how much the Grizzlies could’ve used him this season.

Plus he was born in 1988. A leap year. So there’s that.

Most Likely To Get Into Gambling For The Super Bowl…

• GG Jackson II

Gambling is all about finding the value in odds and capitalizing on them. It requires research and analyzing to come to a desirable outcome. Value bets involve the expectation of equity being higher than the opponent.

It’s different than bluffing—which causes folks to fold—in that it increases the pot. It’s a bit of methodical calculating that results in a higher prize. You have to know what you’re doing.

All that to say… Is there a bigger prize so far in this Grizzlies season than GG Jackson II?

He’s been one of the few bright spots in an otherwise dismal season. GG’s appeared in 21 games so far this season. In those contests he’s averaging 18.7 minutes and 10.1 points. For a 19 year old that’s quite impressive.

Even more so? The shooting skill he’s exhibited. Jackson II is making his twos at an almost 50.0% clip (49.4%) and his threes at almost 40.0% (37.9%). Again. 19 years old.

That’s not where it stops though. Check out his true shooting percentage—more accurate at predicting shooting ability right? That number is at 56.2% post-trade deadline. 56.2%. Of the 23 (?!?) players that have seen minutes for Memphis this season… That number would rank 7th on the team.

For clarification, he’s up until recently been playing on a two-way contract. That changed in the aftermath of the above deadline though… When Memphis awarded GG with a multi-year contract.

Now at 19 years old and on that kind of deal? That’s the definition of placing a value bet on Jackson. It’s a gamble where the Grizzlies are expecting to reap the benefits… And leave the rest of the league scratching their heads.

Most Likely To Be President…

• John Konchar

As we near the third Monday of the month it’s almost that time of year folks. You know what I’m talking about right? The time of year where we celebrate and honor our nation’s past Presidents.

George Washington. James K. Polk. Grover Cleveland. Gerald Ford. That guy from that one reality TV show.

Why shouldn’t John Konchar find his name among such esteemed company? Steady. Level headed. Reliable. Even-keeled. Team player. Tattoo Sleeve.

Each are qualities I want the leader of my U-S-of-A to have. Well except the tattoo sleeve I guess. But come on can’t you see it? His campaign slogan: “Jitty 2024 – Neat”. Dude has my vote.

Most Likely To Be Your Valentine…

• Yuta Watanabe

Now on to the most exciting award of the bunch. At least my personal favorite. Not because of the holiday but because of the player receiving the award.

Out of all the holidays in the month I’d wager that Valentine’s Day is the most popular. At the very least the most well known. And far and away the most expensive.

And that feeling you get upon receiving a heart-shaped card? From someone you harbor feelings for? That’s a pretty special feeling. One that’s difficult to replicate.

But I’ll be… If that’s not how I felt when the Grizzlies announced they traded for Yuta Watanabe.

Yuta Watanabe. Yuta “the Shooter”. Far and away my favorite two-way player in Memphis Hustle history.

Am I alone? There’s a chance sure. I get he’s a weird choice to fill you with the warm and fuzzies. But guess what? Their my awards and weird is in the title. I’m right on brand.

Most Likely To Get Left At Mardi Gras…

• Jake LaRavia

I’ve never had the opportunity to go… But from what I’ve gathered Mardi Gras is one big party. I know I know it’s about much more than that. Means Fat Tuesday, gets you ready for Lent, and what have you.

But there’s also the music. The carnivals. The spectacle. The costumes. I’ve heard it described like a whirlwind of color and electricity. Overindulge and one could get lost there.

Which is what I bet Memphis wishes would happen with Jake LaRavia.

The trade deadline has come and gone… And Jake is still on the roster. And that’s not the outcome many of us had in mind. Quite the opposite. It seems like the Grizzlies have seen all they want during his injured season.

Memphis drafted four players in the ’22 NBA Draft. Of those four, two are no longer on the roster. And of the two left, only one of them has managed any ounce of actual production. Hint: it’s not LaRavia.

Look it’s no secret that the Grizzlies shopped around the forward at the deadline. And it’s not secret that it seems like not a soul had interest. All I’m saying is that if you took the team on a road trip to New Orleans… They’d do their best to “lose” him in the process. You know? Like a kid at Wally World.

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Interested in all things pointless and weird? Give the Pre-PreSeason, the Halloween, and the Holiday installments a read. And follow Luke on X—RIP Twitter—here for even more pointless and weird ramblings.

Photo Credit: (Nell Redmond/AP Photo)